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Fair Is Not Equal, and Equal Is Not Fair: Navigating Property Distribution in Estate Planning

Posted by Scott Lynett, Esq. | Oct 20, 2023 | 0 Comments

When it comes to estate planning, especially in the context of leaving a legacy for our children, a common dilemma arises: how to distribute property in a fair and just manner. While our instincts might drive us towards an equal distribution, a deeper reflection often reveals that 'fair' and 'equal' are not synonymous. In this blog, we'll explore why ‘fair is not equal and equal is not fair' when planning the distribution of your property in your estate plan.

 Equal vs. Fair: Breaking Down the Distinction

To better understand the nuances of estate planning, it's vital to first grasp the difference between 'equal' and 'fair.'

- Equal implies distributing assets in a manner where each beneficiary receives the same value or portion. It's a straightforward, mathematical approach.

- Fair, on the other hand, requires a more nuanced view. Fairness considers individual circumstances, needs, and contributions. It's a more tailored approach that takes into account the unique relationship each beneficiary has with the benefactor and the estate.

 Why Equal Might Not Always Be Fair

  1. Different Life Stages and Needs: Children may be at different life stages when a parent passes. One might be just starting college, while another has established a successful career. Equal distribution might not address the immediate needs of the college-going child, while the well-off sibling might not require any financial assistance.
  1. Previous Support Provided: Parents often provide financial assistance to their children during their lifetimes. One child might have received support for higher education, while another might have received a down-payment for a home. An equal distribution without accounting for these past aids might end up being financially disproportionate over the children's lifetimes.
  1. Special Needs Considerations: A child with special needs may require long-term care, which can be financially demanding. Equal distribution may not account for the significant financial implications of caring for a child with special needs.
  1. Individual Contributions to the Estate: In many families, one child might have played a pivotal role in building or maintaining family wealth, either by joining a family business or by providing significant care that allowed the benefactor to accumulate wealth. A fair estate plan might consider these contributions.

 Navigating the Challenges of Fair Distribution

While the idea of fair distribution makes sense in theory, it comes with its own challenges:

  1. Perceived Inequity: No matter how thoughtfully you plan, there's always the possibility that one or more of your children might perceive the distribution as unfair.
  1. Evolving Needs and Circumstances: Life is unpredictable. The needs and circumstances of beneficiaries can change, making a once-fair distribution seem less so in hindsight.
  1. Complexity: Crafting a fair distribution requires a deep understanding of each beneficiary's current and projected needs, which can be complex and time-consuming.

 Strategies for a Balanced Estate Plan

To strike a balance between fairness and equality, consider the following strategies:

  1. Open Communication: Transparency is crucial. Discuss your intentions with your children to provide context and rationale behind your decisions.
  1. Consider Using Trusts: Trusts can be tailored to fit individual needs, ensuring that each child receives what they need when they need it.
  1. Revisit Your Estate Plan: Regularly review and update your estate plan to accommodate changing circumstances.
  1. Seek Professional Advice: Estate planning attorneys and financial advisors can provide valuable insights to ensure a distribution that aligns with your wishes while considering the individual needs of your beneficiaries.


Estate planning is more than just numbers; it's about leaving a legacy that resonates with your values and the well-being of your loved ones. While an equal distribution might seem like the simplest and least controversial approach, it's essential to reflect on whether it truly aligns with the unique needs and circumstances of your beneficiaries. Remember, striving for fairness, though challenging, ensures that your legacy is not just about equal slices, but about meeting the needs and honoring the relationships of those you leave behind.

Please feel free to use the link below to schedule a free consultation with our office, and learn more about how you can plan in a way that benefits your family most in your unique situation:

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